


Espionage

by Triss_Hawkeye



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Hijinks, Script Format, a teeny bit sad, late Season 1, office gossip, spider - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:00:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22339675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Triss_Hawkeye/pseuds/Triss_Hawkeye
Summary: Tim suspects Jon's been investigating something... and ropes in Martin to do some investigating of their own.
Comments: 12
Kudos: 105
Collections: The Fluff Archives





	Espionage

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Magnus Archives fluff competition!

[KNOCK KNOCK]

**MARTIN**

Hm?

**TIM**

Soooo. How’s archive life treating you? Wow, you’ve made a proper bedroom of this place. All it needs is a couple of nice boy band posters.

**MARTIN**

[ _Good-naturedly_ ] Shut up.

It’s okay, I guess. Better than being surrounded by worms! [ _Awkward chuckle_ ]

**TIM**

Ugh. Low bar, mate. Jon’s not being too much of an ass at you is he?

**MARTIN**

What? No! It’s, I mean, it’s a bit awkward but it’s fine, he’s… fine. His hours are a bit odd. ‘specially since the worms have been getting… yeeeaah. But, you know, I’ve had worse housemates. Than my boss. [ _Another awkward laugh_ ]

**TIM**

[ _sceptical_ ] Hmm. Okay, well, want to know something funny that’ll make you feel less weird about the whole thing?

**MARTIN**

...go on then.

**TIM**

[ _smug_ ] _I_ reckon Jon’s got a big old crush on Gerard Keay.

**MARTIN**

[ _spluttering_ ] W-what? How—that’s— [ _collects himself_ ] what makes you think that? He’s the… goth guy, right?

**TIM**

That’s the one!

**MARTIN**

[ _suddenly interested but, like, conflicted about it_ ] You think Jon’s gay? I never got that vibe from him…

**TIM**

Good god, I don’t know. Just—just come look at this.

**MARTIN**

Okay…

[ _Footsteps, as Tim and Martin go out into the hallway_ ]

**TIM**

Right, look, look there—

**MARTIN**

What am I looking at?

**TIM**

On his desk—the whopping great folder, _look_.

**MARTIN**

...so what?

**TIM**

It was out on the desk when I dropped in yesterday afternoon too—it’s a whopping great folder on _Gerard Keay_.

**MARTIN**

And? Gerard Keay seems to crop up a lot in these statements Jon’s recording. Maybe he’s just… compiling stuff? I mean, you know, there’s a few things he keeps close tabs on—he’s got that file on all the Leitners he comes across—

**TIM**

Yeah, but look at the size of the thing—that’s not just a couple of statements’ worth. That’s a proper obsessive, stalker-worthy folder there.

**MARTIN**

I’m sure Jon’s not a stalker, Tim. Anyway, didn’t Gerard die quite recently?

**TIM**

When did death ever stop anyone with a celebrity crush? Let’s take a look at it. Want to bet it has ‘Mr Jonathan Keay’ written all over it with little hearts?

**MARTIN**

Tim, he’ll be back any minute, he’ll notice it’s gone—

**TIM**

Yeah but you really want to see inside now, don’t you?

**MARTIN**

...yeah all right.

[ _Tim opens Jon’s office door and quietly hums a jaunty “don’t mind us we’re just nicking something off our boss’ desk” tune before swiping the folder_ ]

**MARTIN**

[ _hushed_ ] Oh, hang on.

[ _Scuffling_ ]

**TIM**

[ _hushed_ ] Martin what are you—

**MARTIN**

I’ll just use this mug, one sec—

[ _A chink as a mug is pressed against the wall, and a piece of paper slid beneath it_ ]

**TIM**

Are you serious right now? You want to add a pet spider to your worm collection?!

**MARTIN**

Look, Jon squashes spiders, all right? It’s not doing anything wrong. I’ll let it back outside in a bit. I don’t know, maybe it’ll eat some of the worms.

**TIM**

[ _exasperated noise_ ] Okay, whatever, come on.

[ _Footsteps as Tim and Martin run back across the hall into Martin’s room. They shut the door and sit down on the bed, before opening the folder._ ]

**MARTIN**

...huh.

**TIM**

That’s… not what I expected.

**MARTIN**

[ _reading_ ] ‘101 Heavy Metal Riffs For Guitar’. I guess that explains why the folder’s so thick. [ _he turns a page_ ] Huh. ‘Property of Gerard Keay’.

**TIM**

I guess it seems like his sort of thing.

**MARTIN**

I wonder what it’s doing here in the archives?

**TIM**

[ _gleeful_ ] You think Jon nicked it from police evidence or something?

**MARTIN**

That’s more _your_ sort of thing. Anyway, this post-it note on the front with a single question mark seems to indicate that Jon was as surprised to find it as we are.

[ _A quiet few moments, accompanied by the sound of turning pages_ ]

**MARTIN**

Huh, another post-it.

**TIM**

[ _putting on an Archivist voice_ ] ‘There doesn’t appear to be anything unusual about this item. I imagine the best place to keep this is in Mr Keay’s folder, for now’—geez, is Jon ever capable of even writing informally?

**MARTIN**

I’m surprised he didn’t just throw it out. [ _soft laugh_ ] That’s almost sentimental of him. I suppose it is a bit sad…

**TIM**

God, so much for fun japes, Martin. Look, anyway, there’s a reason I brought this up. Because, just by coincidence… [ _he rummages around in a bag_ ] I happened to find _this_ in a charity shop on my way home last night.

**MARTIN**

What were you—what on earth is that?!

**TIM**

Question. Do you have a Sharpie?

[CLICK]

**THE ARCHIVIST**

Statement of—good heavens what— [ _picks something up from his desk_ ]

Who are _you?_

[ _muttering_ ] Let’s see, black clothes, long black hair, doesn’t look like a Disney princess or anything… hm, someone’s drawn stuff on it, clearly they weren’t the type to take care of— [ _sudden realisation_ ] ooooh, they’re _eyes_. Oh! I know who you are!

What— [ _calling out_ ] _What_ is a soft toy Gerard Keay doing on my desk?

[ _to himself_ ] Was that music book… [ _sigh_ ] This is probably someone’s idea of a joke, isn’t it.

Hm. [ _with the barest hint of amusement_ ] Well, uh, you can sit… here. [ _the doll is placed down_ ] For now. Please let me know if you have any useful insights, Gerard.

Anyway, let’s— [ _weary sigh_ ] Let’s start that again.

[CLICK]


End file.
